I'm going to start this post with a frighteningly crazy statement: John Oliver is my imaginary boyfriend. Which is why he is the subject of the first of a multi-part series, "People I'd Like To Fuck (If Only They'd Have Me)."
John Oliver was born on April 23, 1977 in Birmingham, England, United Kingdom, making him British and a Taurus, which are both awesome. Mainly the British thing. He grew up in Liverpool and later attended Christ's College in Cambridge, which explains two reasons why I love him: his accent and his intelligence. He was the Joe Biden to Richard Ayoade's Barack Obama in the Cambridge Footlights from 1997 to 1998 (and by that I mean he was the vice president of the student organization and Ayoade was president, I don't believe they were working on Barack Obama impressions back then. But if they were, that would be some pretty impressive future predicting.)
After graduating from Cambridge, he began doing stand up. In 2004, he began doing radio shows with current Bugle co-host Andy Zaltzman. In 2006, he came to the United States to work on The Daily Show, where he soon became my imaginary boyfriend.
I would totally sleep with him for many reasons. First off, I can't resist a British accent. Well, I can, but combined with Oliver's good looks, intelligence and quick wit, I would simply be putty in his arms. His big, strong, hairy arms.
In addition to all of these things, he dresses very well in my opinion (striped sweaters and button up shirts are kick ass.) In addition to these things, he has great respect for women, as demonstrated many times on his weekly podcast with Andy Zaltzman, The Bugle, and a great talent for small parts (his lines on the episodes of Green Wing and My Hero he was on steal the show, but that is my extremely biased opinion). He is also the only reason to see the Love Guru (he is a revelation as Dick Pants and awesome in that scene in front of the airport Cinnabon).
So in conclusion, John Oliver if you're out there, I'd like to fuck you.
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