I have something to say that I am very ashamed to admit: I watch iCarly. I'm not proud of it, it's not a good show, but because of that and similar shows I have reference points in which I can write this article on how Nickelodeon can stop sucking already.
Problem the First: Format
Nickelodeon shows are very 90s. And not in a good way. The formats and jokes shows like Drake and Josh and True Jackson: VP use are straight out of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, in other words they are about as fresh as a ten year old sun-dried diaper. That's not to say that things from the 90s aren't good, shows like Clarissa Explains It All and Kenan and Kel are still satisfying when you watch them now, but television has changed so much since the advent of reality television and the internet that these formats have finally flattened.
Solution: Contemporize, Man!
Shows like Arrested Development and The Office are considered to be great sitcoms because they don't use the standard three-camera setup, and their situations aren't stereotypical.
Suggestion One: The Clique - A Mean Girls-type sitcom that takes place in a suburban high school in California, and involves a girl trying to survive high school while avoiding the wrath of the popular clique.
Suggestion Two: Help, My Dad's the President - True Jackson VP meets The Office. A mockumentary sitcom about a President, lets call him President Oswald, and his three kids. It would be all about the kids getting into trouble and having to deal with being isolated from normal children because of their father.
Problem the Second: Where are all the game shows?
Nickelodeon used to have tons of game shows! GUTS, Double Dare, Figure it Out, and a shit load more. What the hell happened? People still like game shows, and kids still like being on tv, so where are all the game shows?
Solution: Game shows, people!!!
Game shows are both cheap and effective. There's never a shortage of people who want to be on game shows, and kids on game shows don't even want to win money! They just want video games, portable dvd players and Build a Bear Workshop gift certificates!
Suggestion One: Cranium: The TV Show - Based on the popular board game, Cranium features all sorts of fun game show activities for the children, such as trivia, drawing crap and spelling words!
Suggestion Two: The Physical Challenge - Like Double Dare, but only Physical Challenges. All involving slime.
Problem the Third: Shitty cartoons.
No offense to the people who work in the Nickelodeon animation department, but no one wants to watch Barnyard or the Penguins of Madagascar. The only animated shows people watch on Nickelodeon are Spongebob Squarepants and The Fairly Odd-Parents. Seriously, those are the only good in-production Nickelodeon cartoons. This was never always the case. What happened to Doug, The Rugrats, Rocko's Modern Life, Angry Beavers, KaBlam!, Hey Arnold! and tons of other awesome cartoons? They were replaced by crap, thats what happened!
Solution: Fucking good cartoons!
What Nickelodeon programming executives don't realize is that people want to watch good cartoons, not stuff based on films. What we need is good, well-written cartoon comedy.
Suggestion One: Pups!
Like the Rugrats, but with dogs! Who talk to each other! And the owners can be kooky characters, like two middle-aged marrieds who constantly fight, and a wacky old lady! And their Angelica can be a cat!
Suggestion Two: The Murphy and Bob Show
Murphy and Bob are some kinds of animal (TBD) who are also roommates. One's messy, one's clean, one's uptight and one's outta sight! Will shenanigans and hijinks ensue? Most definitely!
So there are my ideas. Nickelodeon will never take them, because they are obviously afraid of being awesome.
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