Megan Wants A Millionaire Episode 2: Big Surprise, Megan Loves Gifts!

So this episode begins in the Business Center (which is full of "business stuff"), because Megan wants her men making money. But soon after they all get called down by Megan to celebrate "Valentine's Day," and by that she means "I WANT GIFTS. SO GIMME." Garth thinks he's got this in the bag. Yeah, the douchebag (oh snap)! On a table, there's a variety of art supplies and some are using that stuff to help make their gift. Francisco is going to make her a meal, Nervous Al is just going to give her a check and hopes she's not offended, and Big Mike is going to put together a "masterpiece" with some of his "associates." Shaun is going to cover himself in sushi and present himself to Megan (unfortunately this tends to only work with naked ladies). Garth has written a song called "Sex Mode" (see, he does have it in the douche-bag). It turns out Big Mike's "associate" is some kind of dress dealer, so it's all legit.

So now it's time for the presentation! Francisco presents his meal wearing only an apron, some underpants and a smile. Nervous Al goes up and gives Megan a card and a check for plastic surgery for $8,000. She seems excited, and she says she's not offended, so good going Al. Alex (who thinks he's kinky and interesting, but he doesn't get too much screen time, so you never know) gives her lingerie which turns out to be far too big for Megan. Ryan wants to appeal to all of Megan senses including her mouth and her brain. Megan knows these aren't senses but fogives him because he's so cute. Joe gives her a bikini that says trophy wife. Matt makes cupcakes (haha, he's kind of chubby). Corey (another bore with little face time) writes down his feelings and presents them to Megan. "Next!"

Now it's time for "The Punisher!" He comes out wearing chaps and weird leather stuff. His ass is hanging out and Megan loves it.

Uh-oh, it's Shaun's turn, and it involves nudity too! So he's laying there, with sushi all up on him, and his underpants are inside out (such a turn on!) and it doesn't go that great. Then Vodka Guy gives her some vodka. David gives Megan a fake passport with the places he wants to take her. Big Mike gives her some dresses and she fucking loves it. Uh-oh, it's Garth's turn. This is going to be gross. So he does a gross dance to his gross song wearing a gross Ed Hardy t-shirt. Megan does not "like the fact that he is touching himself." The three to get a date with Megan are Shaun, Big Mike and Nervous Al! And they are going skiing! However, Garth is pissed. He goes to Megan and asks why she didn't like the song. The answer should have been "because it was gross," but she says "it's not that I didn't like the song, it's that I wanted something more romantic than a sex song." Garth tries to slow the song down and sings it to her acapella (because that makes a song called "Sex Mode" less creepy) and he starts to realize that Megan is not into him.

Moving on the the winners, they get to customize their date by buying stuff for Megan and they totally want to make her happy. They are given some choices, Al and Shaun split all three gifts, but Big Mike wants to do something different. Uh-oh! It seems that Shaun's card has declined! Shit! He needs to call the company. Al pays for the whole thing, which is just emasculating.

Garth kind of sees that Megan is not really into his whole greasy douchebag thing and he wants to leave. Garth goes down and says to Megan "your credit is denied." Megan is pissed, not because he's a catch, but because she is awesome and he sucks. How can a 5 deny a 10?! Megan tells him he is lucky to be there, that he should suck it up and that he'll get a kiss from her when he deserves one. He stays, and I'm really hoping it's just so Megan can serve up some justice at the end.

So it's date time! Al and Shaun are having a weird thing, and Al is not giving Shaun any of the credit (which he doesn't much deserve because he didn't pay for anything).

So they are skiing, and Big Mike's never skied before! Sounds like hi-jinks will ensue! Al gives Megan her next present, and Shaun is kind of pissed that he's not getting any credit.. Mike gives her some gloves, and Shaun is just empty handed and sad. So they do a bit of skiing, and a bit of wiping out, and they go and get some alcohol. Mike tells Megan some cute stuff and she's happy with it. Al gives her another present, from Tiffany's!!!! Then he tells her about Shaun's card being rejected! Uh-oh. Shaun is going to be mad. Megan confronts Shaun about it and Shaun tries to be as diplomatic as possible so it doesn't look like he's broke.

They return to the big ol' house and Megan wants to have some face time with Joe. Joe shows his love for Lily and Megan asks him if he's had any girlfriends. Joe doesn't really answer, and Megan implies that she thinks he's gay (like I did last week! Oh, Megan, we're so alike! Oh-no!).

Elimination time! Al feels confident, and Mike should feel very confident because Megan comes out in the dress he bought (and she does some poses in it!). Al gets the first card and he's happy about it! Then some boring guys got there card (snooze! next!) Garth doesn't know why anyone would get rid of him (I could give him many many reasons, one being Sex Mode). Megan has her mad face on and tells him that she's disappointed in how he wants to give up. She tells him he is lucky to be there, but his luck has run out and his credit is declined! Thank you Megan!!!! No more creepy face! No more douchey faces!!!! I'm so happy! Now it's Joe's turn, and Megan tells him that they don't have a love connection, but a friend connection, Joe says he can step it up and gives her a weird kiss. Megan says he can stay. Now it's Shaun's turn, and Megan doesn't like the way he handled the gift situation. She declines his credit (again, hahaha) because she needs a man "with a valid credit card and a backbone."

So goodbye Shaun, we hardly knew ye. And goodby Garth, we knew you all too well. One more creepy face for the road?

Euugh, stay classy Garth.